Truth is stranger than fiction

Generally, I'm not a big fan of reality shows. You know I love the Voice (it's my guilty pleasure) but others, particularly shows about families, leave me a bit cold.

Oddly, in the past couple of weeks I've devoured two reality TV shows and one film but to be fair, I couldn't tell if a couple of them were "MOCKumentaries" or not. They weren't and I love a theme, so here goes.

I think I'm going to present from most normal to most bizarre:

Queer Eye - Netflix original, released 2018

I loved the original Queer Eye back in the day. I mean, who wouldn't want a bunch of fabulous men coming in and sprucing everything up? 

I love this new take on the series as well. Naturally it's the same set up and I think the Fab Five are equally as awesome as the original group. In the first episode they say "The original show was fighting for tolerance. Our fight is for acceptance." This hit me in the feels and I thought "yay them!"   I know that all these types of shows and films are baby steps, but even baby steps move that kid forward, right? 

They set this season in Georgia, which unsurprisingly triggers issues for some of the Fab Five as well as the men they make over.  I appreciate that the show isn't shying away from talking about the triggers. Also, they made over a gay man which I thought was great. I mean, anyone can have an outdated look and this felt like the show was trying to advocate inclusion.

Lastly, I like that these guys don't seem to be imposing their own personal style on the men they are making over. They are taking elements from the guy's normal life and updating. One always hopes that many of the "upgrades" will stick, although my guess is the first thing to go will be the beard or face moisturizers. Sorry Grooming Guru (and Gay of Thrones genius) Jonathan.

(Drink pairing: while there are a million fabulous cocktails to go with this, I think I'd choose a Mint Julep because The South.)

Cutie-pies!

Baby Ballroom - Channel 5Star original, released in 2017

Between this entry and the next I'm really not sure which is more bizarre but I'm committing to this order in the rankings, dammit!

This show is about a British ballroom dancing couple, Warren and Jane Bullock,  who own a dance studio called Zig Zag Dance Factory in Wolverhampton, UK located in the West Midlands near Birmingham (that's a mouthful!). They have 17-year-old triplet daughters, India, Savannah and Alicia. Two are following in their parents dance steps and one wants to be a scientist. She proves this by wearing a dress with a planet/star pattern. Point taken, Savannah.

Warren claims they have produced the most winning ballroom couples of all schools in the UK - that he knows about. So there's that. We follow 4 main couples and a few ancillary ones on their ballroom journey. The thing is, they are all children. The eldest couple is still in the "Under 16s" category. Did you even know there was an "Under 16s" category? I didn't. Also, there is a Girls Only category because there aren't enough boys to go around. Sigh. In addition to the Under 16 couple, we follow an 11/12 year old couple and  a pair of couples that are about 8 - 9 years old. 

This show is like some nutty mashup of Strictly Ballroom and Kids Say the Darnedest Things. It's fucking WEIRD. I. Love. It.

I was worried that all the parents were going to be the British version of Dance Moms, which would mean I'd hate them all (One girl's mother actually recruited a boy from Romania and houses him. He's good so they win.), but many of them just look frazzled by the fact that they are working full time jobs and all their money goes to their children's "careers" thing to win ballroom dance competitions.  So, not surprisingly, we see some seriously competitive children. With adorable accents.

My favorite couple are Jack and Emily - 8 and 9 years old respectively. They are cute as buttons and in one interview Jack lists the things you need to win, one being "having a great dance partner". Emily blushes and Jack grabs her hand. They are SO STINKIN ADORABLE.

This show is all about dancing, glitter, bronzer, hairspray and attitude. What's not to love?

(My drink pairing for this is a Shirley Temple. C'mon! They're kids!!)

They are all ridiculously cute, right?

Chicken People - released in 2016

Many years ago (maybe around 2009ish?) I was trying to find my usual go-to Tintin calendar and discovered they weren't available. Distraught (yes, I was!), I searched for something else and came across the Extraordinary Chicken calendar. I found it hilarious and started posting the monthly photos on Facebook with whatever weird caption I thought worked. Since then, I have gotten the reputation of being a chicken fan. I mean, I do like them and some are absolutely majestic, it's just not a reputation I ever anticipated having. Two of my friends suggested I see this film.

This movie. OMFG. Right up until I looked it up on the Interwebz I thought it was a satire. It's often been compared to Best In Show and that's 100% accurate. It follows three chicken breeders who are gearing up to compete in the Ohio National Poultry Show. There are also some wonderful vignettes with other chicken enthusiasts reminiscent of the love story interviews in When Harry Met Sally.

The filmmaker lovingly delves into the psyches of the three main competitors - revealing deep seated reasons for their obsession, whether it's battling addiction or feeling less like an outcast. It's oddly moving, considering there are also scenes where their chicken contestant takes a shit before being shown so much cleaning needs to be done (often including the blow drying of hindquarters).

I think it's been compared to Best in Show because, while Christopher Guest is clearly poking fun at dog shows, he does it with respect and love. As does this film.

(My drink pairing for this film is to take a peek at this website, Drinking with Chickens. Kate is someone I'd love to have a drink with!!)

These chicken loving twins reminded me of the awful girls in the Shining.

My takeaways:

#1 - I guess I'm cool with reality TV if it's a bit fantastical.

#2 - I've always toyed with the idea of taking ballroom dancing classes - when I was belly dancing we rehearsed a few times at a ballroom studio. We became accustomed to the teacher droning "quick, quick, sloooow" while couples shuffled about.

#3 - A surprising amount of folks on Chicken People were fine with eating their own chickens. That was slightly horrifying to me.

xoxox....hashtagSueslife

Panthers and Lions, oh my.

Last weekend I saw Black Panther. So so good. The acting was great, the costumes were amazing, the sets were beautiful, the music sublime. And the message. Such an important film to come out in this political and social environment. I love that a Marvel film is highlighting and addressing issues that need exposure. Granted director Ryan Coogler is also responsible for Fruitvale Station but I still think that speaks volumes.

Honestly, though, I'm not here to delve into controversial subjects. I have my own thoughts and feelings on these subjects and am happy to discuss but it's up to everyone to follow their own ideology.

What I do want to talk about, however, is how Black Panther reminded me of The Lion King. And oddly, when I got home from seeing BP (albeit it was a slightly boozy viewing but you all expect nothing less from me, yes?) The Lion King was on TV. Serendipity. What was less serendipitous was it being followed by The Lion King 2: Simba's Pride. But we'll get to that.

Meeee-ow!!

Simba is SO serious.

I was an adult when The Lion King was released but just like Simba, who couldn't wait to be king, I couldn't wait to see this movie! My boyfriend at the time and I had had a huge fight the morning it was released so as a "sorry I was a dick" gesture, he took me to see it that evening. This was a simpler time when you could decide that day to see a movie on opening night and you'd get in. Glory days. And even though I didn't see Black Panther the day it was released, I went to a theatre with a bar so that's a win in my book.

So here are my thoughts...

Compare and Contrast: The Lion King and Black Panther

Compare:

• I noticed that BP's art direction leaned toward warm colors (unlike many Marvel films), exemplified by the gorgeous landscapes of Wakanda. I loved it and it was the first thing that reminded me of LK. That opening shot with baby Simba. Warm colors, beautiful African landscape.
• Both Simba and T'Challa's fathers shape their paths. (To be clear, this was also a story point (cats and their dads!) years before in Kimba, the White Lion, a cartoon that came on before Speed Racer. I LOVED this show when I was little)
• Uncles play a big role.
• It's probably insulting to say that the gorgeous Black Panther soundtrack reminded me of the Lion King's music, but it did. I never claimed to be highbrow, people

Simba and Kimba in a weird "fan fic" moment

Contrast:

• While Simba's uncle was just a straight up bad guy, T'Challa's uncle had more nuance. He did some bad shit but he felt it was for the greater good. Plus - Sterling K Brown and tears. Kills me every time.
• NO ONE in The Lion King lives in Oakland, CA.
• The Lion King's depiction of females can't hold a candle to the magnificent women in Black Panther. The Wakanda warrior women KICK ASS.
• There was not one character in Black Panther that I could compare to Pumbaa or Timon. And really, when Timon dances the hula to distract the hyenas, it's a piece of cinematic brilliance.

Then there was The Lion King 2: Simba's Pride. 

If you haven't seen it, I'm just gonna say that I wouldn't be spouting about how proud I was if I were SImba.

(My drink pairing for Black Panther is a Moscow Mule at the Alamo Drafthouse bar, The Bull and the Bear (you should really have two). I don't know what magic they do to these drinks (something about the ginger) but they are the best I've ever had.)

My takeaways:

1. No matter where you go, it's good to be the king.  (Two of my favorite movie quotes mashed up. Can you identify them both?)

2. Is it clear that I really loved Black Panther? I can't wait for a sequel.

3. Apparently, I love a good father/son story.

xoxox...hashtagSueslife

Shit I binge-watched 2017 edition

Hey gang!

For the last two and a half months I have been blissfully "retired". 

I'm back at work now and once I got over my Couch Inertia I realized I'm really happy to be back at my contract gig. The team I work with is great and while it's easy to sink into those luxurious red couch cushions and snuggle under a blanket of cats, I really do enjoy connecting with actual humans. 

So here is my "What I did on my summer vacation (in Winter)" essay.

I did a smattering of travel and a smattering of binge watching TV shows, not dissimilar to what I did last time I was "retired". It was glorious. Here are some bullet points illustrating what the fuck I was doing.

Travel:

• I did a quick weekend in LA with my friend Jen. We were down there because an animated short that she produced (Coin Operated. Find it. Watch it, it's great!) was at a film festival in Hollywood. It played in front of Mary and the Witch's Flower, a full length animated film directed by a former animator from Studio Ghibli. It was beautiful but a bit slow for my taste. I got to see my wonderful family and Jen and I were tourists for a day, going to Griffith Observatory and shopping in Venice. My favorite moment of our tourist day is when we wandered into a consignment clothing store. We were      hauling our suitcases around and the store clerks happily grabbed them from us while we are shopping. They even remarked on how "professional" we were. I had no idea what that meant until I heard them mention something about a curling iron. We looked to find them riffling through our bags. Initially horrified, we realized they thought we were bringing suitcases full of clothes to sell to them! Um, NO!! We want to keep all our clothes, thank you very much.

Hollywood sign from Griffin Observatory. I promise it's there.

• A week later I spent a long weekend in New Orleans. It was a wonderful music, food and booze filled four days with a group of friends. We did a quick side trip to the Whitney Plantation Museum. If you are ever in NOLA, I highly suggest visiting this museum. Out of the couple thousand museums in the USA, this is the only one devoted to depicting the lives of slaves. I'm not saying this is an easy thing to see but I can assure you the experience will leave you more enlightened than when you walked in. (Warning: There are several doll-like statues of children scattered about that (obviously) disturbed me for a different reason)
• I was home for 48 hours then I was off to Boston to visit my aunt and cousins. This is one of my favorite things to do and this year's trip was no different. My cousin Cynthia and I also snuck off to Salem for a day. I thought I was being an awesome trip planner but the website I bought tickets through (including a hop on/hop off bus and 3 museums) wasn't clear (yes, I'm blaming the tool. Shush.) and we ended up needing to "Greek" at them to resolve things. We charmingly complained that we didn't get what we thought we were getting and ended up not only getting our money back but also getting into two museums for free. Being effusive Greek women can have its perks. The Salem Witch Museum has a bunch of animatronic people depicting the hysteria of the witch trials (this creepy doll thing apparently was a theme in November), so again, beware.

Bewitched in Salem.

• I rounded off the year by visiting Florida for New Year. I had to catch a shuttle to where I was staying and it was nearly as entertaining as my day at Harry Potter World (okay, that is a slight exaggeration - HPW was awesome! Well, except for the "Barfy Ride" in which I got a face full of steam and heat when the Dragon spewed fire at me.). Not only did I chat with a man from Deadwood (!) on the shuttle who has ELEVEN siblings (!!) but then an old lady and I got stranded at a motel waiting for the shuttle for the second leg of our trip to show up. We watched at least three episodes of Golden Girls in the motel lobby and when we finally got picked up, she was pissed. I gave her a KIND bar which mellowed her out, prompting her to tell me all about how she helps rescue cats in her community and adopted a 13 year old Siamese named Mr. Handsome.

In the bad part of town at Harry Potter World.

Binge Watching:

• Dark. This is the first Netflix original made in the German language. It’s about a seriously fucked up small town in Germany that houses a nuclear plant. This plant may or may not contribute to a time conundrum - creating portals to 3 different time periods 30 years apart. It's all sorts of weird and good and you seriously need a map to keep track of who's who. My favorite part is how it shows the same characters in the different time dimensions. Pro-tip: watch it with subtitles. The voice over acting is pretty bad.  (Drink pairing: a good, wheaty Hefeweisen)
• Drop Dead Diva. This is a 5 season series that originally ran on Lifetime. Netflix kept "suggesting" it to me but I admit I was skeptical about starting it. I had a feeling I was going to end up being really angry about a show whose premise is a skinny, shallow girl dies at the same time as an overweight lawyer and Skinny ends up in Plus Size because of a computer error at the Pearly Gates. Imagine my surprise when I discovered I liked it! The actress, Brooke Elliot, who plays Plus Size (not her character's name) is really good. There are also fantasy elements within the show (much like My Crazy Ex-Girlfriend) which includes her singing. It's good fun.  (Drink pairing: Pomegranate martini!)
• The Alienist. Okay, to be fair I didn't really binge this because it's only aired two episodes (it's on TNT). I remember loving this book so I was excited to watch this show. I'm gonna say it right now - I'm not a fan. The sets are cool and you really get the feel of how gritty NYC was in the late 1800s.  It's the acting that let me down. The actor who plays the Alienist, Daniel Bruhl, delivers all his lines in a kind of urgent whisper that immediately bugged me. His sidekick is an over-sexed newspaper illustrator played by Luke Evans. I can't get beyond him playing Gaston in the live action Beauty and the Beast, so there's that. And finally, the female lead is played by Dakota Fanning. Her delivery is so stilted and wooden that I kept imagining her script pages were taped to the actor she's playing off of so she can just read them. She was so great when she was 7 years old in I Am Sam. What happened?  (Drink pairing: whatever makes you pass out because DAMMIT this show is annoying)

My takeaways:

#1 - I haven't seen La La Land yet and after being at Griffith Observatory I feel like I really need to.

#2 – I honestly am happy to be working again but I can tell this is going to severely cut into my TV bingeing.

#3 –  I don’t think my cats miss me nearly as much as I miss them.

xoxo…hashtagSueslife

        

The Greatest Showman

In 1998 I ran away and joined the circus.

Okay, that is a total lie, but in 1998 I went to Burning Man (my one and only year) and performed with a circus. I'd like to say that I remember everything about my Burning Man weekend with startling clarity but that would also be a lie.

Here is some truth. Burning Man, while quite an experience, was really not for me. That's not to say that it didn't stay with me. I dreamt about the playa for ages after I got back. I found playa dust in my belly dance stuff for ages after I got back. But I learned a valuable lesson - I'm not into extreme camping. Give me a vacation destination that has running water, please.

Home, sweet not waterproof home

While I discovered I wasn't a "burner",  I also have many oddly fond memories from that time (how accurate they all are remains a mystery).

I didn't lie about performing with a circus when I was there. Four members of the belly dance troupe I was in went that year. I was woefully unprepared for this type of camping; thankfully a friend of our troupe came with enough supplies to take care of those of us who didn't know what to expect. I brought plenty of costuming, though, and every day we geared up and roamed the playa for performance opportunities. 

Roaming band of belly dancers

One afternoon we came across the Bindlestiff Family Cirkus. They were colorful and edgy and fun - much like we imagined ourselves to be. They graciously let us open for them, then we got to watch their crazy show. I basically only remember an insane contortionist (I honestly can't imagine what his body feels like now) and the gorgeous ringleader who hammered a nail into her nostril. Into. Her. Nostril. Whoa.

This was also the legendary year where a huge dust storm hit followed immediately by a massive rainstorm, creating a concrete-type mud that collected on our insufficient dance shoes, basically building platform shoes until one broke apart and we'd have to scrape the other one down. 

I have two favorite memories from that event. 

1. One evening, after possibly ingesting a mind-altering substance, my partner in crime, Beth, and I seemingly walked back and forth to the port-a-potties a thousand times (at least it felt that way to me). On one of our trips we ran into a group of guys who chanted some weird hymn-like song to us. I can't even imagine what our faces looked like as we listened to this truly bizarre chorus. For some reason I always equate them to the creepy preacher in Poltergeist.

2. For the burn, our dear friend Michael dressed in gorgeous drag and we all walked around prior to the big event. A guy came up to him (I recall that this guy was dressed in something flowy...I think like a sheik but I'm sure I'm remembering this wrong), enchanted by his awesomeness and said, "You look beautiful."  Michael, not missing a beat, replied, "You look like I need another drink." Beth and I have been quoting that ever since. 

The guy wasn't wrong. He looked beautiful.

   

Beth and me at the burn.

(blog intercepted by a message from Finn)                                                                                       _A>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>><<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<L))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

(okay, I've taken back control)

Why am I telling you guys about my moment performing with a circus? Because right before New Year I saw a movie about a circus.

The Greatest Showman - released in 2017

I liked this movie a lot. I know it's gotten mixed reviews but I'm a fan. I saw this at a matinee where my friend David predicted it would be only us and 4 other gay men. In fact, there were a few more folks than that but it was still blissfully empty.

When I first saw the trailer for this I thought it might be a Moulin Rouge knockoff and I wasn't entirely wrong. I love love love Moulin Rouge and Baz Luhrmann (see my past post) so I was skeptical about this film. But I got in there and loved it. 

I believe the director, Michael Gracey, has only done commercials prior to this film. I think he did a great job considering the scope of the project. While there is nothing I don't love about the way Moulin Rouge is filmed and edited, I appreciated that this film had some longer, less chaotic cuts, enabling us to enjoy the dance numbers (there was some great dancing!). 

I also felt like Hugh Jackman was able to shine, musically, in this film. This music suited him, unlike Les Miserables (the also might be because they made the ill advised decision on Les Miz to do live recording of the singing. Not the best decision.) Justin Paul and Benj Pasek wrote the music. They were relative unknowns when they started working on this film but prior to this being released they won an Oscar for La La Land and a Tony for Dear Even Hansen. Well done, them!

The real treat for me was discovering Keala Settle, who played the Bearded Lady. Her voice is nothing short of incredible and her song, This is Me, resonates in our current climate. Watch this table read (sing?) for a glimpse of the power of this song. 

In fact, even though I know this is a HIGHLY fictionalized version of P.T. Barnum's life, I'm glad they made this film that celebrates accepting diversity. We need this message right now in every single way we can get it.

(My drink pairing for this film is a Circus Freak - basically rum, Malibu rum and vanilla coke. Enjoy!)

My takeaways:

#1 - I continually get confirmation that I am a sucker for a fun musical.

#2 - I really did learn my lesson about me being a camper after Burning Man. Haven't been since.

#3 - Always be proud of who and what you are. You are all beautiful to me.

Happy New Year!

xoxo....hashtagSueslife

Bah humbug...or how an audio book reminded me to count my blessings

I can't even with the state of things in our world. 

#Metoo, national monuments, net neutrality...and the list goes on and on.  We knew this was going to be a constant battle, just like fighting any kind of cancer, and we knew it was going to be exhausting. But sheesh. Some days it's just too much.

I haven't written anything in a while. I was caught up with work then was on (in my opinion) a well-deserved vacation. Then I got caught up in hours of Hallmark Christmas movies (it's what I do, people. Don't judge.). In other words, not much to revue (I love you all so I would never subject you to Hallmark movie reviews without an excellent reason. You're welcome).

And in the midst of all that there is the constant barrage of how fucked up things are in our country. I'm not here to be political, it's not my gig. But it's draining and depressing, amirite?

I listened to an audio book recently, which was for me,  oddly uplifting. Like my own little Tiny Tim/Scrooge moment (you all get that I'm Scrooge, right? Bah humbug.) It isn't about Christmas miracles or even ways to navigate through our political climate. It's about movies and comedy. Yay! 

Silver Screen Fiend: Learning About Life from an Addiction to Film by Patton Oswalt (read by Patton Oswalt)

I'm no expert on books...I was a Film major not an English major. I just know what I like. Qualified folks - the Boston Globe and New York Times - both gave favorable reviews. 

Oswalt reads the audio version of this book and that makes it a sublime experience. It's like listening to four hours of Remy from Ratatouille tell you in his adorable little rat voice why watching films became an addiction.

Basically, Patton Oswalt watched Sunset Boulevard and it changed his life. He decided he wanted to be a director and the best way to achieve that goal was to see as many films as possible. It was his own type of film school and he was creating the curriculum. So he became obsessed. Like, wrote down every movie he saw and checked them off in his "bibles" -  film reference books like Psychotronic Encyclopedia of Film. He was so far gone that he let a date walk to her car alone in LA after midnight because they were at a film festival and he wouldn't leave the next film. She broke up with him soon after (and rightly so). Along with this, we are regaled with stories from his early stand up days. It's an amazing peek into what the comedy scene was like in the glory days of the early 90's - detailing who was up and coming and the clubs where they performed.

If you are at all interested in films (old and new), comedy in the 90's or Patton Oswalt in general, I highly recommend LISTENING to this book. It's good fun and he's an incredibly eloquent guy.

His stories about his early days in the comedy scene reminded me of some good in the world and reminded me to count blessings, even small ones. Weird, right? But here's why:

I think I've written about this before, but when I was in college I "co-managed" a comedy improv troupe. I put "co-managed" in quotes because I certainly didn't know a thing about what I was getting into and I would say the same for the rest of the troupe. We got some small gigs (If I remember correctly our biggest was Rooster T Feathers in San Jose). Anyway, we were affiliated with a "promoter" (again with the quotes) who 100% scammed us on every gig he got us. We even knew it at the time but felt like our hands were tied. Anything to be seen (Weinstein-esque, no?).  Being that I had to deal with him frequently in my role as a co-manager, he often (always) said extremely inappropriate things to me and was a bit handsy. Our group joked about it a lot. I'm sure this was not only to make me feel marginally better but also we were young and didn't know, really, how to process this.  As I was remembering how scary it actually was, I was reminded that the guys in this troupe made a point to NEVER let me be alone with the promoter. Meetings, gigs, whatever, one of the guys were always with me. We all knew that he was essentially a ticking bomb. 

I had forgotten about them doing this, particularly in light of the fact that 20 years later I dated one of these guys and it didn't end well. So it was a bit of a gift to be reminded that, even if he's lost his way, my ex was a decent kid.

So let's count our blessings, no matter how big (Alabama, Time's Person of the Year!)) or small (quiet afternoons reading a book with my cat on my lap). It's easy to get overwhelmed with the bad but it's the good that feeds our souls. Thanks for reminding me, Patton Oswalt.

(I'd pair movie theater popcorn, Milk Duds and a big Coke Zero when you listen to this book.)

My takeaways:

#1 - Why don't I watch more old movies? There are SO many out there and I know I've only scratched the surface.

#2 - Patton Oswalt is a smart, smart guy. He's a prolific reader and (IMHO) a really good writer.

#3 - Patton talks about his brother, Matt, in the book. Matt is also a writer. When I looked him up I discovered that he was the person who convinced Mark Hamill to read Trump's Tweets in the Joker's (from Batman) voice. For that, we should all be thankful..

xoxo...hashtagSueslife

American Vandal

If any of you read my post about The Keepers you will know that I am a fan of the true crime series. I was all in for the podcast Serial (first season only - couldn't get into Season 2) as well as The Jinx and Making of a Murderer. My friend Jen suggested I listen to a podcast called My Favorite Murder, which I'm enjoying (although I have to take breaks or I get too freaked out). So it should come as no surprise that when I heard about American Vandal, I was intrigued. A satirical take on a true crime series? Sign me up. With high school students? Okay...maybe?

I enjoyed my high school years. But don't get me wrong - there is NO WAY I'd want to go back to that time. I'm not waxing nostalgic about my braces, headgear, silver wireframe glasses, down jacket or Birkenstocks. But I had a great group of friends (many of whom I'm lucky enough to still be in contact with) and a generally good experience. There is one thing I have maintained, though, since I left the hallowed halls of Lynbrook High - the social dynamics you encounter in high school don't change a whole lot when you are out in the real world. Sure, the "popular" crowd might look different (not jocks and cheerleaders necessarily) but a form of the social hierarchy remains. Even now, at my current job and at my current age, that dynamic exists with some of the producers.  Sometimes there is so much back slapping and guffawing between a chosen few that I'm worried someone might accidentally pop a rib. 

The thing is, my high school crowd - the drama, band and AV geeks, were and remain fucking awesome! Each and every person I hung out with in high school taught me something cool (from introducing me to "alternative" bands to creating goofy and amazing costumes and so much in between). We were all loyal to each other and we didn't care where we fell in the social rankings; they are the reason I enjoyed my high school years.

We hung out on the corner of a wall (not all of us shown).

But high schoolers in my true crime series? Satire or not, my jury was out.

American Vandal - 8-part series on Netflix, 2017

Well, my jury is in and it's absolutely favorable!

This series is funny, intelligent and far deeper than one would expect.

It's basically the story of a sophomore, Peter, who is a reporter on his school's morning TV show. Another kid, senior Dylan Maxwell, has been accused of spray painting graffiti on all the teacher's cars. Dylan has a history of being a "bad kid" - his YouTube channel proves it. He and his group of friends "the Wayback Boys" (which includes a girl), do ridiculous pranks and film them as running "shows" including "Baby Farting" and "Nuns Humping Trees". The Wayback Boys aren't subtle in their series naming so you can guess what each one is about. Dylan has been expelled from school and is facing a felony hearing.

Peter hears about this and immediately pokes some holes in the case so he decides to investigate. He is that wonderful kid everyone knew in high school. He's not "popular" but everyone seems to know him. He's an excellent student and ridiculously earnest. He knows who his friends are and he feels strongly in justice being served.

The crime in question:  someone drew dicks on all the teacher's cars during an "admin" day. 27 dicks on 27 cars. I can't tell you how much this appeals to my 13-year-old boy aesthetic. The idea that this is what is being investigated, and with such solemnity, is hilarious to me. 

Peter (and let's not think this name is an accident - every episode has a penis joke name ("The Limp Alibi" "Climax" "Clean Up")) and his fellow reporters leave no stone unturned. They dig in and put together a startlingly good case for Dylan's innocence. One of my favorite arguments in Dylan's defense is that, while Dylan is a notorious Dick Drawer (he draws them everywhere and frequently documents them), his are drawn differently than the dicks on the cars. They discuss the fact that he always includes ball hairs (which are absent on the cars) as if he's Picasso and the painting in question is a Monet.

27 dicks on 27 cars (not all shown).

The thing that makes this series stand out is the character development. The filmmakers clearly love these kids. They fit into the cookie cutter stereotypes you expect - jocks, student body president overachiever, AV geek, yet they are all so much more. Both Dylan and Peter have important revelations about their lives. Their friends disappoint, surprise, atone. They grow. Do they come out better on the other side? Do we know who drew the dicks?  You have to watch to find out. 

As an oldster (please read this in a creaky, cranky old lady voice) I realize that everything in this day and age is recorded SOMEwhere. Whether it's official (CCTV) or unofficial (cell phone pictures/footage from a party), it's the perfect way to lend credibility to a bunch of high school students being able to launch a proper investigation. While this is really cool, I'm also incredibly happy I grew up in the stone age where none of my shenanigans are documented.

I give this one an A.

(My drink pairing for this is absolutely, 100%, a beer bong.)

My takeaways:

#1 - I have too much fun in my present to miss my past, but I'm glad to say that at least I have a shit ton of good memories (that aren't documented on cell phone footage).

#2 - My coworker Shannon suggested this show to me. We are just getting to know each other and apparently I'm a bit more of an open book than I think I am.

#3 - Even though I thoroughly enjoyed American Vandal, the best "mockumentary" ever: This Is Spinal Tap.

xoxo...hashtagSueslife

The Sinner

Hi gang! I've missed you!

I've had kind of a hell of a summer. First I was super sick (I spent a month with Umbridge the Cough), then work exploded. I literally wasn't home enough to even watch anything so I had nothing to revue. I'll be honest, my crazy work schedule was exhausting; I started having Dreamworks PTSD. I also questioned if I'm just too old for this shit. But that's a topic for another day.

Now I'm back with a vengeance! After months of barely seeing anyone or leaving my house for the reasons above, I'm trying to be more social and active. In an effort to kill two birds with one stone (what a terrible saying...no birds were harmed!), this weekend Beth and I attended a Fitness Marshall event in Roseville. Yup, Roseville. We drove two hours to dance around for one hour. But it was completely worth it, his classes are so much fun. The gym that was hosting him was really more like a country club. I imagine, probably unfairly, that most members would qualify for a Real Housewives of Roseville reality show. The gym is enormous with two levels of classes and workout equipment. Apparently, they also have a cafe where you can be lounging by one of the 4 pools (2 indoor, 2 outdoor), order what you want from an app on your phone, and have it brought to you. Luxurious.

The event was called Esprit de She. There were a TON of overly excited women in all manner of workout ensembles (plus one dude who was clearly there with his girlfriend) RARING to go. Oddly, I was the only one in the 300-person crowd who had taken a class with Fitness Marshall before. So when he asked the question I did a really loud "Woooooo!" expecting to be part of a group of folks whooping. Imagine how uncomfortable I was when everyone around me turned to look, my lone cry ringing off the walls. Awkward.

It was a "Cardio Concert"!

Despite the beautiful venue, the overall communication for the event was frustrating (Beth called it subpar which, upon reflection, was too kind).  It started with the statement, buried deep in one of the many confusing promotional emails they sent, that they wouldn't allow bags in the gym for security reasons (presumably so your stuff wouldn't get stolen). This flummoxed us. How is a girl supposed to drive two hours to a workout class and not bring a bag? I will admit that I was extremely bitter about leaving my Chapstick and gum at home. I had to MacGyver my keys onto my water bottle so I wouldn't lose them. Let's not even discuss the state of my Proof of Insurance card and car registration after having them shoved in the tiny pocket of my Athleta capris. And most women DID bring bags. Rule breakers.

The most disappointing part of the whole experience was the post-class event. There was an Esprit de She Fair of sorts, with food, "bubbly" and a chance to win a raffle to meet the Fitness Marshall. They corralled all of us to the outside pool area (and by "corralled" I mean a bunch of sweaty people left a darkened-to-look-like-a-dance-club indoor basketball court to wander aimlessly outside, blinking in the sunlight, until someone who knew where the pool was finally led us). Disappointment #1: The "bubbly" was a type of canned carbonated sake. Disappointment #2:  The woman handing them out kept touting the Coconut flavor as her favorite so Beth and I both took one. Everyone we encountered were actively enjoying their Grapefruit flavored one ("this is so tasty!")  while we were decidedly "meh" about ours. Disappointment #3:  The raffle to meet the Fitness Marshall was poorly executed. The announcer didn't know how to hold his mic so everything he said sounded like the teacher from the Peanuts. Plus our numbers never got called.

I'd like to say that Beth and I were gracious about sitting in the hot sun waiting for our number to be called, but that was not the case. We sighed and groaned as each winning number was called. We ended up sharing our table with a woman who won a spot and in a lovely "pay it forward" moment she offered to let one of us come with her as her "friend". I was happy to give this to Beth as I've met them before but Sharika (our benevolent table-mate) said "you should get in too; you are the Mexico woman!" referring to me meeting them in May in Cancun. The event organizers didn't seem too hip about that but I was able to take advantage of a confusing moment and got a wrist band. Beth likens it to a Jedi mind trick (or what she calls "pulling an Erokan") because as we started to move away the harried woman who was giving out the wrist bands looked around and said "Who's the friend?" and I just stuck my arm out and stared at her. 

Voila. Wrist band procured. I'm the friend.

Now for a revue.

The Sinner - 8-part series on USA Network, 2017

I'm always up for a series that is contained. I like going into something knowing my commitment level. So when I saw ads for The Sinner I was all in. I think in my heart of hearts I was hoping for something of a religious mess.

I really wanted this to be good. All the ads gave it a "there is a fucked up backstory to this that you are not going to want to miss" vibe which intrigued me. Essentially, in the first 15 minutes or so, we see a woman apparently randomly going berserk and killing a guy on a perfectly lovely afternoon at a lake. Then the rest of the show was supposed to be devoted to the "why she did it" and the "how it fucked up her family".

Well. Let me tell you. There is a microsecond about how this affected her husband and toddler son. There is also a bit devoted to her weird family life growing up - her sister was born sickly and her mother was a devout Christian or something, positive that if anyone in the family wasn't completely pious it could affect the sick kid spiritually (for instance, don't eat chocolate because it's indulgent and that sin will make your sister sicker. What??). But the long and the short of it is:  the woman randomly gets caught up with some very bad people and they fuck up her life. She gets a bit brainwashed and it manifests itself in an extremely ugly way.

Yes, I found the story that simple. And it wasn't even like I figured out what the deal was early on. It was just crawling along at a snail's pace and I started to not give a shit. But I had invested time within my extremely busy schedule so I was feeling obligated to see it through to the end. And that pissed me off. I HATE feeling obligated to a TV show.

I kept thinking "you guys could have cut out a BUNCH of inconsequential shit and made it 5 episodes."   There were whole subplots that were useless and went nowhere.  By episode 6, I said to my cats "JEEEZ-us this is moving slow".  Cosmo blinked at me and Finn ran off to pounce his rattle mouse. We were in total agreement.

The two stars of this series were Jessica Beil and Bill Pullman. Neither of them, in my opinion, should carry a series.

Jessica Beil is SUPER VANILLA. Justin Timberlake, what the heck? Was Cameron Diaz such a nut job that you had to go the complete opposite? Half the time I actually can't remember which Jessica she is - Alba, Beil, I can barely tell them apart. I mean, she's beautiful and all but she's SO one note it's hard to remember which note she is. In fact, I felt the best part of her acting was that she didn't wear any makeup throughout the whole series. Brava!

And Bill Pullman. His character in this is a troubled police detective who can't hold on to his marriage and vents his frustration by having kinky sex with a dominatrix. While this should be enough to create a nuanced performance, Bill Pullman looks like he does in everything he's in - slightly squinty and pushing back his hair. I imagine he's thinking "Wow, I can't believe these people keep hiring me! This is awesome. Now if I can only wrap my head around what this plot means I'll be golden."  The dude just strikes me as a little dim. He does have really good hair, though.

(My drink pairing with this is a can or two of the Grapefruit flavored carbonated sake. I hear it's really tasty.)

Presenting your lead actors - No Makeup Jessica and Squinty Bill

My takeaways:

#1 - I need to get over feeling obligated to finish a series I don't like. Even if it's short.

#2 - I actually don't object to Bill Pullman...he was great in Spaceballs.

#3 - A year ago I suggested you all watch a new NBC series called The Good Place. Now I'm suggesting you watch Season 2. It's really great!!  (and no, I'm not biased at all :)

xoxo...hashtagSueslife