Back on track and fighting aliens

I fear my blog and I have lost our way for a bit. Blame it on the rainy weather, the horrific January of Celebrity Deaths or stupid Valentine's Day, but we dipped into an infrequently used pool of sentimentality and introspection.  

My blog and I might have even been attempting to revue with an "iew".  God.  How pretentious.  Shudder.

Well, Spring has sprung, mofos!  There's nothing like a crappy movie from the 80's and a crappy movie ABOUT the 80's to give one that well needed perspective.

Let's get snarking, shall we?

Pixels - released in 2015

I was sitting around one Sunday, minding my own business, when I saw that this movie was on.  Now, I'm not gonna say I'd heard amazing things about this film (or anything about it, actually) but I do love me some Adam Sandler and I'm almost always willing to cut him a huge amount of slack.  So I watched.

This film is basically about a group of kids who, like most kids, played massive amounts of video games in 1982.  They grow up and enjoy varying degrees of success (one guy gets a Geek Squad type of job and his childhood best friend gets the job of being...the POTUS.   Sure.  It could happen).  The Geek Squad guy, Adam Sandler, was amazing at finding the patterns in video games when they were kids.  Earth is invaded by aliens who have seen our video games from the 80's because they were sent into space in a time capsule.  They launch video game attacks (Pac Man, etc).  So who's the POTUS gonna call?  His Geek Squad bestie who is good at video games from 1982.  Handy.

There is no getting around it, this movie is DUMB.

And your Suspension of Disbelief skills get a total workout.  Mine were sore the next day.

But here's the weird thing, I liked it anyway.  It's totally stupid, don't get me wrong! But I was in the mood to watch mindless, dumb shit.  (Give me a break, I had worked the whole weekend!)

I will admit, though, there were points when this almost broke me.

The crazy thing is they got a great cast.  Dan Ackroyd has a cameo, which didn't surprise me because this film definitely tips it's hat to Ghostbusters.  Josh Gad plays one of the geeks (duh).  I love Josh Gad.  He is kind of always awesome.  Most especially when he whispers his lines. I think if I hung out with him I'd laugh all the time and possibly have a huge crush.  But there is also the possibility that he might be a little bit stinky.  Not sure.

You know who else is in this movie?  Peter Dinklage. I also love Peter Dinklage.  Peter Dinklage, however, does not always know how to choose good roles.  And when he chooses poorly, it's REALLY bad (I'm looking at you, Knights of Badassdom).  For some reason, he also thought the best acting choice in this was to play it with a weird accenty-dialect thing that made him sound like he was imitating Robert Downey Jr's character in Tropic Thunder.  Thankfully without the black face.  Sigh.

The not surprising thing is the music in this film is perfect.  Sandler clearly loves a good 80's soundtrack and this totally delivers.

It's directed by Chris Columbus of Harry Potter fame...read my Potter post to see how I'm super lukewarm on his directing style.  Therefore, the fact that Aunt Petunia is cast in this is no surprise.

There is a ton of animation, the style looking much like what you might have played on your Atari back in the day.  It's clever and the animation is good.  The end credits are my favorite though, they look like an old time MS-DOS computer game.

This movie is sublimely 1982 boy humor.  The only thing I missed was an Oregon Trail representation.  SOMEONE should have died of dysentery.

(My drink pairing suggestion for this is an Alabama Slammer.  A favorite of mine in the 80's and might dull the pain of actually watching this film.)

The Last Starfighter - released in 1984

I remember when this movie came out.  Why do I remember?  The leading man, the last starfighter himself, was played by a local boy.  Lance Guest.  He grew up in Saratoga, CA and his mom used to come into the Saratoga Community Library where I worked in 1984.  She was a lovely woman who checked out a lot of travel books. And she was VERY proud of her son.  

This movie, upon viewing it now, is truly terrible.  I couldn't even get through it without continually turning to Facebook for relief.  (you guys, I just realized there is an initialism for this. From The Skimm - TSOP: Time spent on phone.  Or a way of quantifying how good a show is.  Use it in a sentence, not just sporadically: "very low TSOP watching the OJ show last night."  Wow, I'm so "on fleek", huh? (psst...did I use that right??))   I was ready to blame it all on the director until I looked him up on the Internet.  His name is Nick Castle.  HE PLAYED MICHAEL MYERS IN HALLOWEEN, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!!!  One of the creepiest motherfuckers around.  AND he was friends with John Carpenter.  AND he cowrote Escape From New York with Carpenter.  Fuck.  Now I have to love him.  Nick Castle, how could you have had such auspicious beginnings and fritter them away on this pathetic movie?

So this movie is about a kid from a trailer park who obsessively (even ignoring his 80's-hot girlfriend) plays a video game until he beats it.  It's actually a recruitment device for a different planet or some shit so they "recruit" (kidnap) him and leave a beta version body double who is basically retarded.  The kid witnesses all the other starfighters fall to the enemy, is a whiny bitch about going home, grows a pair of balls and finally helps the nice aliens defeat the mean aliens.

First.  Lance Guest did NOT grow up in a trailer park.  Nor does he look like he did.  He looks like he grew up in an affluent suburb in Northern California.  Sorry Lance.

Second.  The acting in this, across the board, is pretty terrible.  The saddest part of that is the fact that Robert Preston is in The Last Starfighter.  He plays the recruiter alien, Centauri.  I wanted him to be good in this.  He's great in other films.  He's Victoria's GBF in Victor/Victoria. He's the stinkin' Music Man!  But...in the end....it's still terrible.  As terrible as Cilantro, with a capital C which rhymes with T that stand for Terrible!!  Preston really phones it home. (Get it?  He's an alien. E.T.? Phone....oh never mind, it was stupid. Like this movie)

All right, I'm clearly on an unending, pathetic spiral into movie puns and idiocy.  Enough is enough.

(My drink pairing with this is a vodka martini.  I experimented with them in 1984.  I really didn't like them until probably 1987.  But drink enough of them and you'll forget ever having seen this movie.)

My takeaways:

#1 -  I'm going to make a generalization here and you can take it or leave it:  Movies about  video game players who use those skills to save the Earth are as good as they are realistic.

#2 - I don't think poor Lance Guest did much after The Last Starfighter.  Which makes me wonder if he had to move home to Saratoga at some point to live with his lovely mother.  I hope he was a good son.

#3 -  I'm torn about  "TSOP".  While I'm happy that there is a device at my fingertips that alleviates my boredom every second of every day, I hate that it's an initialism because that means it's common and accepted that everyone ignores everything.  Also, I DO NOT condone TSOP when seeing anything in public (movie, play, concert, etc).

xoxo....hashtagSueslife

A fab-u-lous tribute to Bowie

Alternately titled:  What I did this weekend.

I braved the crazy rain storm this Saturday, hauling my ass to the Castro Theatre to see what I thought was just a screening of The Man Who Fell to Earth with a Candy Clark Q&A. What I got was SO much better.

My original movie cohorts were both under the weather, but happily I found out my friends Karekin and Anthony were also going to be there.  So I got to sit with two of the most charming men you'd ever want to meet.

So what did I get besides a movie and a Q&A?  I got an evening of fabulously awesome drag queens sharing their love of Bowie.  Really anyone sharing their love of Bowie is pretty great, but when you think about what a role model/icon this man was for the LGBTQ community...pure gold.

It was parts sentimental and parts irreverent.  Oodles of outfits and glitter and makeup...oh my!  Just what you'd expect.  There were a variety of performers, some were great; my favorite - a long time fave of A & K, apparently - was Veronica Klaus.  She announced her songs by saying something about how she listened to Scary Monsters non-stop back in the day and her dad walked by her bedroom and said "I hope that's not what they're teaching you in school!"  She swept her beautifully clad arm out, smirked and quietly said "And here we are".  Kitten on the Keys also sang a song, which was lovely.  I can almost forgive her for NEVER being able to announce Clandestine properly at Tease O Rama (Clandes-TINE). Some performers weren't so great.  A choir did a really odd and semi-discordant rendition of "Life on Mars" after which Karekin and I looked at each other and grimaced.

The only disappointing part of the evening (aside from having to sit in wet clothes for 5 hours because of the storm) was the Q&A with Candy Clark.  She is the female lead of the film (she was also in American Graffiti - nominated for Best Supporting Actress for that film.) and I discovered (thanks Internet!) that she was also sleeping with the director at the time.  Her answers were pretty lackluster and not very well strung together, even though nearly all of them mimicked past interviews.  Same anecdotes, different day.  But the interviewer was HORRIBLE!  Anthony, Karekin and I all agreed that interviewing is truly a skill and this guy completely lacked it.  At one point, poor Candy couldn't even make heads or tails of his question and had to ask for clarification.  Seriously dude?

Anyway, I'd never seen this film before...so here you have it.

The Man Who Fell to Earth - released in 1976

When first released, the film didn't do that great but over the years has obtained true cult status.  Roger Ebert gave it 2.5 stars originally but 35 years later upped his rating to 3 stars.  His reason for this was that filmmakers just aren't allowed to make films of this style anymore.  Taking chances like that is frowned upon now.

And what is that style?  The film is directed by Nicholas Roeg.  He directed many films to varying degrees of success, but he started his career as a cinematographer and you can totally tell.  The shots in this film are beautiful and expansive.  Each composition conveys a lot of emotion, actually, whether it's a sprawling landscape with one broken down house breaking the emptiness or a claustrophobic shot of a New York high rise.

And you know what else is beautiful in this film?  David Stinkin' Bowie.  Holy shit.  He's this gorgeous, stylish, swan-necked beauty.  His skin is to die for - luminescent and flawless.  Did that guy even shave?  His hair is awesome - red with blond roots.  And the eyes.  Lord have mercy, the eyes.  

This is his first acting role and he KILLS IT.  I mean he is seriously amazing.  Nuanced.  Emotionless on the surface but fathomless underneath. The crazy thing I read is that he said he was high on coke the whole time this film was shooting.  He felt that he was just being himself on coke and that's what was captured on screen.  Damn.  In an interesting bit of maybe revisionist history, there is an interview with Candy Clark much later where she maintains that he had been sober prior to and while making this film.  Heh.

Buck Henry and Rip Torn (who was surprisingly hot in his youth.  Also we see his weenie.) were both really good in this.  Candy Clark was...okay, but I'm gonna say that I'm not a fan.  I think a slew of other actresses could have done this role better.  Sometimes it pays to sleep with the director.

The Man Who Fell to Earth is 100% a 70's movie.  It's meandering, non-linear and parts, frankly, are just a bit confusing.  There is a bunch of gratuitous nudity, which is kind of a 70's trademark, right?  The alien costumes look like white scuba suits and the "space ship" Bowie leaves on is pretty much a trailer on a monorail.  Don't get me wrong, I'm really glad I saw it.  It exemplifies, as Ebert said, how much filmmaking has changed over the years because of audience demand.  You'd be hard pressed - post Star Wars - to find a sci-fi film with a slow pace and no space battles.

(My drink pairing for this film is a Beefeaters gin and tonic in a tall glass.  The alien's drink of choice.)

My takeaways:

#1 - Candy Clark made some EXTREMELY questionable choices in husbands.  She had two.  Each lasted one year.  One was a drug addict (who was also at one time married to Helen Reddy! I am woman!) and the other was Marjoe Gortner who was an actor and an evangelist (from when he was 4 years old, apparently).  Google him.  He's freaky.

#2 - The best way to see ANY movie is with a drag show opener.

#3 - I'm putting it out there that Nicholas Roeg is not my favorite director.

xoxo...hashtagSueslife

Ye Olde Timey Stuff

As many of you know, I majored in Film Studies in college.  I am continually grateful to my parents for not calling foul on that major and just rolling with it.  I think they were just happy I actually WENT to college.

I went to San Francisco State University, which was reasonably well respected for their Film program (they were more well known for their Broadcasting Dept).  Any respect they got was probably because they favored Avant Garde film which made them stand out a bit.  So all my fellow film students were greasy haired, hand-rolled cigarette smoking, beat-up paperback carrying snoots.  Yeesh.

I enjoyed my college years for a variety of reasons (none of which had all that much to do with studying or the Film department) and my favorite film school moment actually happened in my Avant Garde History class.  It took everything I had to stay awake in that class.  When I read the first Harry Potter book and JK Rowling described the History of Magic class with Professor Binns, the ghost teacher, I immediately thought of this class.  The teacher was ancient and soft spoken so he had to use a mic because the class was in a lecture hall (the class must have been required because I NEVER would have chosen it) and he droned on and on and on.  One very rainy day, during the break, our teacher left the room (not uncommon).  The room was a bit more full than normal because of the rain.  The smokers were outside, but the rest of us couldn't get our dose of fresh air and fog like normal; I think I was reading whatever mystery novel I was into at the time - trying to jumpstart my brain after the last hour of lecture.  Anyway, my teacher clearly needed to use the facilities but forgot to switch off his mic.  We heard EVERYTHING (thankfully it was only Number One.  Also thankfully he washed his hands.)  I remember staring at the TA, who was slowly looking around the room.  A huge grin broke out over his face.  I think he might have said something like "And he's peeing."  It was fantastic.  

But I digress.

I managed to make my own way at SFSU despite the snootiness of the Film department.  I bucked the system and let my love of Hollywood show (fuck 'em if they can't take a joke).  I wrote papers about the structure of movie musicals.  I took classes that focused on the history of animation (who knew THAT would come in handy later!?).  And I discovered actors that blew my mind.  Like, I had crushes on actors that were born in the 1800's.  It was maybe a little weird.

Recently I was thinking a lot about my early days and decided to revisit watching my first and only silent screen star crush:  Buster Keaton.

Buster Keaton was born in 1895 and died in 1966. His family had a comedic vaudeville act that was extremely acrobatic and he started his film career by being in a bunch of Fatty Arbuckle films (now THERE'S a guy who really lived up to his name) but studios and audiences started to realize how innovative and funny he was in his own right so he began starring in his own films.  For a while he had complete control over his films (directed and starred in) and he always created and performed his own gags/stunts.  And ohmygod they were amazing.

I remember sitting in class thinking "I've seen stuff like this before" but then having this realization wash over me:  He was the FIRST person to orchestrate these incredibly complex, super innovative, hilarious gags.  And I immediately fell in love.  I am 100% a sucker for someone who makes me laugh.

I have seen a bunch of Jackie Chan movies and it's no surprise to me that Buster Keaton was one of his influences.  Keaton was incredibly athletic, his body was like a rubber band and powerhouse all rolled into one.  Apparently when he was in his 50's he re-enacted one of his old stunts.  Someone asked how he did it and he said "I'll show you" and opened his shirt to reveal a bunch of bruises.  He just. Fucking. Did it.

Besides being really funny - not only with the crazy gags but also with the subtle hand gestures or body movements to convey a wealth of emotion - he had this amazing face.  I guess when he was young and being thrown around (literally) on the vaudeville stage by his dad, they realized audiences thought it was way funnier if he had no expression vs a big "I'm okay!" smile.  So he became The Great Stone Face.  What stayed with me, though (and many, many others obviously), were his eyes.  His face is overtaken by these huge, soulful eyes.  They are beautiful.  They always look a little bit sad but deep inside you see a glimmer of something else.  Maybe resignation that this is what life is?  Maybe hopefulness that everything is going to work out?  Whatever it was, it stopped me in my tracks; hitting me hard in the 19 year old feels.

(These films were both made during Prohibition, so my drink pairing is a glass of bathtub gin in the Speakeasy of your choosing)

Here are a couple films I recommend if you are at all interested in watching silent films:

Sherlock Jr - released in 1924

This is a movie about movies, which the always self involved Hollywood loves.  But honestly, kind of everyone loves them - Singin in The Rain, Get Shorty. C'mon...you know you do!

All Keaton's films are great, but this one might be my favorite.

Buster Keaton plays a film projectionist who is studying to be a detective (the 'stache is fake so he can look more legit). 

He is in love with a girl who is also being wooed by a guy who robbed her father.  Keaton is kind of dejected by the "love" situation while also trying to catch the robber.  There is an amazing scene where he's "tailing" the guy by walking literally a few inches behind him, matching everything the guy does step for step. It's like a beautifully choreographed dance number.  

He also rides through town on the handlebars of a motorcycle after the driver has fallen off.  The modern viewer can tell when cars look like they are going to hit him but actually are stopping or going super slow, but he's still steering the frickin' motorcycle by the handlebars ONLY!  Also, no CG.  He was REALLY doing this stunt.  Amazing.

The most famous sequence of this film is where Buster has fallen asleep at his projectionist job and kind of dreams himself into several movie scenes.  So the scenes keeps switching out and he pops into each one.  Innovative stuff for 1924.

The most amazing shot, though, is a really quick shot where he jumps through a person!  I can't imagine how they achieved this particular effect, but Buster literally dives through a box being held by a man.  Early film making magic!

The General - released in 1926

This is arguably Keaton's most famous film, and after being reevaluated in later years it's considered by critics to be one of the best films ever made.  Keaton had a great love of trains, so this entire film focuses on that.  He plays a train engineer during the Civil War.  He wants to enlist when the war breaks out to impress his girlfriend but the recruiters think he'd be more useful to the cause as an engineer, so they refuse him.  That's the start of the grand misunderstanding which culminates in Keaton not only saving the girl but thwarting an invasion.  He did all his own stunts and this film encompasses some scary ones for the time period.  He jumps from car to car on a moving train in one sequence and sits on the front grill (I learned it's called a cow catcher for obvious and horrific reasons) holding a railroad tie in another.  

The beauty of Buster Keaton, though, is in his subtlety.  There is one shot where he's super dejected and sitting on the train's coupling rod  When the train starts, he starts rotating with the movement, his body completely motionless.  Total deadpan expression.  Apparently this was also one of the more dangerous stunts because he could have been killed if the train threw a rod. Yikes!

Apparently this film had a "huge" budget ($750,000) and didn't get the box office the expected, so after this film Buster lost some of his autonomy.  Sadly, things were never quite the same for him after that. 

My takeaways:

#1 - Buster Keaton died of lung cancer.  No one told him he had cancer so he just thought he was getting over bronchitis or something like that.  I'm not sure how I feel about this deception.

#2 - I am definitely not the only person who loved Buster Keaton.  There is a woman who has a current blog called "What Would Buster Do".  I wish I had thought of that first.

#3 - To me, Buster Keaton vs Charlie Chaplin is a lot like Mel Brooks vs Woody Allen.  I think I respond more to Buster and Mel because their humor is visceral and goofy but still sharply witty.  Charlie and Woody are a bit more highbrow and intellectual in their humor.  They also seem to beg the audience to sympathize with their characters.  Apparently I am a tad hard hearted, because usually their characters bug me.  If you know me at all, you know that I CRY laughing at any video with models falling. Not so highbrow.  Let's enjoy:  http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x1rq18v_very-funny-models-are-falling-during-catwalk-on-ramp_fun

xoxo...hashtagSueslife