Here is one of my guiltiest...I kind of have always loved Keanu Reeves.
I'm sure many of you know this about me already. I mean, Keanu is the reason I even came up with this surprisingly useful motto: One doesn't have to be good at their job for me to want to have a fling with them.
Because I'm a realist.
And Keanu is hot.
And Keanu is really not that good at his job.
I feel bad saying that because it's not like I don't enjoy some of his movies. The Matrix is awesome. I love Speed. My Own Private Idaho. So good.
But then there are really, really bad ones. Dracula? What was ANYONE thinking hiring him for that? PAINFUL. (And out of decency let's not even mention Winona Ryder) Or Much Ado About Nothing? My dear friend Lisa reminded me last night of when we saw this movie (I have a terrible memory, so I'm always happy when someone reminds me of things!). When Keanu makes his entrance (he plays Don John) his first line is "I'm a man of few words." Apparently I leaned over to Lisa and muttered "Thank God."
He's really never a good actor in any of them, even the ones I like. Sort of stilted line delivery. Emotionally one note. But what's crazy is that he has been in some startling films. Do directors love him because he's like a lump of unformed clay?
And then there is also this thing going around on FB about how he's led such a tragic life but he's an awesome, generous, lovely guy. Well, okay...?
I'm just gonna go with the fact that I may not want to see many of his films (action ones are fine but certainly none that contain any emotional vein) but I'd sleep with him in a heartbeat.
Don't judge.
Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure - released in 1989
I remember seeing this movie right when it came out. I didn't know much about it besides it being about time travel, which is one of my favorite themes. I also didn't know either of the lead actors in it. I saw it alone and I still remember completely buying into everything this movie was selling. And by the end, I had a massive crush on Keanu. To be fair, right around then I was also dating a guy with very similar hair and attitude so I was all in.
Watching it again, I still enjoy this film. There are a MILLION holes in the plot but the writing is entertaining and witty and some of the performances aren't bad. Napoleon and Socrates are my personal favorites (Napoleon is over the top and Socrates does some nice, subtle background stuff that's kind of charming).
There are some interesting contrasting elements that show up in this film. For instance, our main characters are supposed to be "dimwitted metalheads", yet they have a remarkable vocabulary, using words like egregious, bodacious, odious...smart words. There are even a couple webpages devoted to "Bill and Ted Speak" (throw that in the "someone has too much time on their hands" bin). Additionally, even though they are metalheads, the lasting music they create - the music that creates world peace and eradicates hunger (or something like that - I couldn't even remember 10 minutes after watching it) - has this lilting, harmonious, soft sound. Kind of ambient. Not terrible. A little boring, actually.
This movie is also an 80's music icon treasure trove. Jane Wiedlin of the Go Go's plays Joan of Arc (Ted initially thinks she's Noah's wife). The "Three Most Important People in the World" from the future are Clarence Clemons (E Street Band), Martha Davis (The Motels) and Fee Waybill (The Tubes). I'd like to think they had a big jam session at the wrap party.
George Carlin is wonderful in this movie as Rufus. He kept breaking the 4th wall with little eye rolls and brow raises at Bill and Ted's antics. Early influence for The Office?
And speaking of influences...since I wasn't a Whovian in my youth, I didn't think about this, but their time travel vehicle is a telephone box. Well played, Bill and Ted writers.
What was really NOT well played by the writers was the lame attempt to wrap everything up by having the guys go back in time after their school presentation to set up situations that make their success possible. In other words, they didn't think ahead at all and would have completely failed if they didn't have the time machine at their disposal. I feel like that's just lazy writing, people.
And really, out of all the actors in this film, Keanu was most triumphant (if I may borrow a phrase from the movie) in the long run. Many immediately faded into oblivion. Alex Winter, who played Bill, apparently was a Broadway actor prior to this film. Since this, he's mainly become a director, mostly TV. My weird bit of trivia is that he's married to an animation producer who is currently on a project at my old company. Her first name is Ramsey. Just like my old cat. I often wanted to call her Ramsamopolous, which was one of my cat's many nicknames. And if I'm being honest, my Ramsey was cuter and much sweeter.
(My drink pairing for this is a Polar Pop (this also means something else according to Urban Dictionary. Use your imagination.), which is apparently a popular drink you can create at the Circle K. It includes the following ingredients: Go Ape Energy Drink, Mountain Dew, lemonade, a little bit of Slice, a drop of unsweetened ice tea, and some slushee if you are so inclined (mostly to keep it cold)).
Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey - released in 1991
Oh. My. God. This is a bad movie. I'd never seen it before for the obvious reason of it sucking, but I thought I'd take one for the team and suffer through it.
I'm not even sure how to describe what happens in this. It isn't about time travel, although the bad guy does travel from the future to annihilate Bill and Ted (I guess he hates world peace and stuff). He sends evil Bill and Ted shaped robots to kill them. Maybe this is done to show that Keanu and Alex Winter have acting "range"? Didn't really work. Anyway, B & T end up dead and have to fight the Grim Reaper to come back to Earth and fix the situation. They have to "beat" Death somehow and they choose board games. They start with Battleship and that's kind of funny but the gag gets totally overplayed (best 7 out of 10 with various games) so suddenly I was all about TSOP (remember that from my last post? Time Spent On Phone). The film tries really hard to start a new "cool word" campaign with "Station". It starts as the name of an alien scientist but the alien uses it for EVERYTHING (like Groot in Guardians of the Galaxy but the alien isn't nearly as appealing) and I guess we are all supposed to as well? They reference it in the websites devoted to Bill/Ted Speak, so apparently we are. This same alien scientist creates "good" Bill and Ted robots but they look like something I could build (read: remedial) so I'm not sure why anyone is okay with this.
They use the same hackneyed conceit of the guys using the time machine to go back and set up the scenario so they win. It's a really unsatisfying conclusion.
Death is my favorite character in this film. He ends up sticking with the guys as they go back to Earth and save the day. During the experience, though, he becomes fond of them and when he feels slighted he's a pouty bitch. Pretty funny. I think the actor is doing a Swedish accent (?) so it clearly was supposed to be the Ingmar Bergman version of Death in The Seventh Seal. A bit of a highbrow stretch for a movie like this, but I'll give it to them.
Oh, and in a really weird and unnecessary twist, Bill's super young stepmother from the first movie has divorced Bill's dad and married Ted's dad. For no apparent reason. Plus, the girl clearly has daddy issues. Ew.
(My drink pairing for this film is a can of Bud. They drink some kind of cheap beer in the film, plus I don't want any of you assuming we'd spend good money on this.)
My takeaways:
#1 - Even after seeing B & T again, my motto still stands.
#2 - I can NOT wait to see the Key and Peele movie, Keanu. It looks amazing. See trailer here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K9zy27apgI8
#3 - I read this on a Bill and Ted trivia page and thought it was hilarious:
Winter says he and Reeves are still close buds. In a Reddit AMA last year, Winter recalled, "Once we accidentally stepped out of a restaurant into the middle of the NYC Halloween Parade, and someone walked past us and said (without irony), "Hey look, it's two old, fat guys trying to be Bill and Ted."
xoxo...hashtagSuesLife
xoxo...hashtagSuesLife
