Sunday, August 9, 2015

Poldark: The Truth about Abs

Hey gang!
This is a bit of a change to my typical format but I was inspired to write about this TV series I just finished watching.  So not only is it television but I also didn't pair up any elements.  This is a stand alone type deal. 
Also, it's maybe a bit snarkier than usual.  Hope you enjoy! 

Poldark - 2015 TV series
Beth and I made the great sacrifice for women and Masterpiece Theatre lovers everywhere and watched the whole of Poldark's Season One (8 episodes).  I feel like this post needs a tagline. "Come for the abs, stay for the smile".
Aiden Turner and his marvelous abs play Ross Poldark.  He is truly beautiful.  I mean, there are the obvious muscles, but (even though this is a melodrama so there isn't much that's happy) there were moments when he'd throw a little smirk or sweet smile out that stopped us in our tracks.  When he told his wife he loved her, we both clutched our chests and sighed.  No lie.  He was a theatre guy for a long time, apparently, but in '08 made the leap to films.  Most notably he's been in all the Hobbit films.  I confess to not having seen the Hobbit films, so I can't speak to that, but he has completely won me over in this series.
I'm pretty sure there are other cast members, although it's kind of hard to remember much beyond Poldark's ridiculous hotness.  One that stands out is a guy I keep seeing in other BBC/Masterpiece Theatre stuff.  His name is Philip Davis and I recognized him from a Sherlock episode (the Bartelby Crumblepatch version) in which he plays an evil cabbie.  In this series, he's a terrible servant.  By terrible I mean that he's useless, he doesn't do shit.  Plus he has black teeth.  Black.  So gross.
I would love nothing more than to tell you all that I've been riveted by this nuanced and poignant melodrama.  But, in fact, I wasn't.  It's a bit meandering and bit dull, truth be told.  In fact, I remarked after the first few episodes that we wouldn't still be watching this if it weren't for the promise of more abs.  Disappointingly, they did not deliver.  What?  WHAT??  C'mon Masterpiece Theatre!!  You didn't put Aiden Turner in there with that glorious chest to have it covered in a shirt, vest and two fucking coats all the time, did you?? Because if that is the case, I believe you do not know your audience AT ALL.  I bet if we took a poll, very few people would say they are watching this series for the fascinating peek into the lives of Cornish miners.  I mean, we haven't even seen a mining accident.  And the expected love triangle isn't really there because Poldark loves his wifezzzzzzzzzzzzz...oh, sorry did I doze off?
And while I'm on topics like plot, lets discuss the directing.  There are two directors of this series and one, according to IMDB, is "known for his strong use of landscape and often gothic themes."  Well, "strong use of landscape" is an understatement, and clearly the other director took this dude's lead.  I have seen so many shots of the breeze gently swaying thistles and long grass that I could probably become a fucking botanist.  Seriously.  It's not even some metaphoric thing to show the passage of time or anything.  Just grass blowing in the wind.  Or sometimes it'll be some super odd shot of a horse's hoof (still attached and all, just "artsy") or the wheel of a carriage.  Honestly some of them were baffling.  The most offensive was when Poldark FINALLY takes off his shirt and they immediately pan to a bonfire nearby. What. The. Hell.  I was so irritated I yelled "Fuck you, Fire!" at the television.  Perhaps not my finest moment.  It really wasn't the fire's fault.
These "artsy" shots combined with the lack of exciting things happening made each episode seem incredibly long.  At one point, we paused to fill up our champagne glasses (because a girl needs champagne when watching handsome men on TV, right?) and saw that only 13 minutes had passed. 13 minutes.  We thought surely we were near the end of the episode.  It was like we fell into some weird Poldark time warp where you feel like you've been watching for hours, yet you've barely entered the episode.  When we realized the last episode of the season was two hours we both groaned out loud.
I'm sure you are all thinking that I've been exceedingly critical of this series and am done with it, but I'm fully planning on watching Season Two (most likely with Beth and plenty of alcohol).  I think I can speak for Beth too when I say that we remain ever hopeful that the directors will realize their mistake and have the swaying-grass-to-bare-chest ratio swing in our favor.
(My drink pairing suggestion for this entire series is pink champagne  It highlights the good in the series and mellows the not-as-good)

My takeaways:
#1 - While the acting in the whole series is actually really good, I think my favorite character is Garrick the dog.
#2 -  Hot men on TV are like the spoonful of sugar that helps the medicine go down.
#3 - I learned recently that these books were started in the late 40's, the author took a break then wrote the rest of the series in the mid 70's.  I thought for sure these were written in maybe the 1800's so I was kind of flabbergasted.  Also, why did he take a break?  Was he as bored with the lives of miners as I was?  Perhaps.  

xoxo...hashtagSueslife 

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