Judgey McJudgerson

Anyone who has had more than a five minute conversation with me probably knows I'm a fan of the TV show The Voice.

Don't judge.  I know that these shows are silly and fixed (at least to a degree), and I'm not even a fan of any of the judge's music but there is something about it that sucks me in.  Maybe it's the Adam/Blake bromance?  Or the fact that Pharrell seems like the nicest guy ever (apparently my brother and sister-in-law call him the Buddha, heh!)?  Or, most likely, it's because it's a show of people with crazy amazing singing voices that start out looking like they did their own hair and makeup and end up looking like superstars.

Anyway, don't worry...this isn't a post about that TV show.  But the other day I was flipping through the channels and the movie Burlesque was on.  And this post idea was born.  Let's examine movies the celebrity judges of The Voice have been in.  Lucky for you all, there are only a couple (I don't count Pharrell doing the music for movies like Despicable Me...the judges have to be "acting").

Christina Aguilera

Burlesque - released in 2010

This is Xtina's foray into feature films.  Its only 6 years ago, but she looks really young in this film.  She's also tiny.  And her hair is a lovely, healthy blonde, not the super bleached out, looks-like-it's-gonna-break-off-if-anyone-breathes-too-close-to-her platinum that it is now.  Well, actually RIGHT now it's a pale shade of lavender.  With weird rings in it.  Not my favorite look for her, but honestly if anyone can pull it off, it's Xtina.  She's also gained weight since Burlesque.  She looks great, but her outfit choices as a Voice coach are a bit suspect.  Half the time it looks like her boobs are going to pop out of her shirt if she takes a deep breath and she is consistently stuffed into something that looks two sizes too small.  I firmly believe one wouldn't even notice any weight gain if she dressed for her actual body instead of painting on these ridiculous outfits (and I'm not talking about wearing a muumuu...just wear a size 4 instead of a 0). 

Exhibit A - hair AND boobs from this week's Voice episode:

Anyway, the movie.  

I remember when I first saw this film, in the theatre.  Actually, let's be honest - I don't really remember all that much because I saw it with the ladies of Clandestine and Nalgenes of margaritas were in hand (and mouth, eventually).  What I DO remember is that it was pretty much just us 4 girls with rows and rows of gay boys.  Fabulous!  I also remember Clandestine having a glitter eye makeup epiphany.  Xtina sports some excellent eye art in this film.  Well, always really.  See above pic.

This is not a terrible movie.  It is also not a particularly good movie. It's truly "meh". It's a musical in the newer sense of the term - the songs still reflect the story arc but it's performances, not just Kansas farm girls meeting munchkins.  So Xtina's character delves into the world of burlesque at a club owned by the inimitable Cher.  Cher always delivers, IMHO.  She only has one song in this movie, but she sings the fuck out of it (if I remember correctly, some of the gay boys in the theatre might have clapped).  While I was watching I was hoping a conversation like this might have happened when they were casting:

Movie Exec:  Sorry Cher, this is a Christina Aguilera vehicle.  You know, we are breaking her into films so she's going to sing all the songs.

Cher:  Um, I'm mother-fucking Cher.   Half Breed, my daughter is now my son, a goddam fashion icon. CHER.  I'm doing a song.

Movie Exec:  Yes ma'am.

Stanley Tucci plays her gay best friend.  This was in Tucci's hey day of playing gay men (Devil Wears Prada).  I read that some folks find this a tad insulting - that a straight guy gets these roles when there are plenty of great gay actors.  (I wonder if Nathan Lane is the one calling foul on this?)  I can completely sympathize, but I have to give it to him.  He plays a really good gay best friend.

I don't think I'm gonna talk much about the story of this movie because #1 - there is barely any and #2 - it's really about Xtina singing.  And WOW is she a great singer.  I'm also gonna give her an acting shout out.  On The Voice, I don't always like her; she knows her business, but she seems snooty and cold and sometimes (mostly) when she's being all lovey with someone it feels forced to me.  She actually transcended that a bit in this film.   I'm not saying she's the next Meryl Streep, but it felt like she was actually "acting" like a nice person.

(My drink pairing for this is - obviously - a Nalgene of margaritas.  Probably made with Trader Joe's Margarita Mix. Yum!)

Adam Levine (and a bit part for CeeLo Green)

Begin Again - released in 2014

This movie was written and directed by John Carney, the writer/director of Once.  If you haven't seen Once, I highly suggest you watch it.  It's his first film, it's sweet and lovely and all about musicians.

This movie is also about musicians - clearly a subject that is close to Carney's heart (he was in a band called the Frames in the early 90's).  I liked this movie a lot.  Carney has a beautiful way of showing broken people slowly heal themselves through their music, their relationships and their relationship to music.

It's basically about a songwriter (Keira Knightly who, for obvious reasons I've always called Snaggletooth Knightly...there was a moment where I was actually worried that she employed an orthodontist, but I was happily incorrect...that crazy tooth is still there.  Top, screen right.) who gets dumped by her musician boyfriend when he becomes famous and a very down on his luck music executive (Mark Ruffalo) who is a total mess.  They meet and they begin to heal.

Adam Levine plays the successful musician boyfriend.  He cheats on Snaggletooth with someone he had just met.  Parts of this movie resonated with me in ways that I wish it didn't.  It's humiliating to become a stereotype and it makes me sad to think that so many people have their heads turned so quickly by the smallest amount of fame.  Suddenly love and loyalty mean very little to them and so much to those they leave behind.

Whoa.  Sorry.  Baggage alert.

Anyway, on The Voice, Adam Levine seems like an intensely focused, talented spoiled brat.  His character in this film doesn't seem to stray much from that, so while I thought he was good in this I don't feel like he made any great acting strides, you know?

Mark Ruffalo and Snaggletooth were both great.  They did have Snaggletooth sing, which I thought maybe wasn't the most amazing choice.  She's not bad but (like the Tucci argument) there are so many great actresses out there that can really, really sing.  Why not pick one?

There are some interesting supporting folks in here as well, like the aforementioned CeeLo Green (no acting skills at all...he's just CeeLo in all his charming glory) playing the performer that "made" Mark Ruffalo as an agent. Catherine Keener plays Ruffalo's wife (with very few lines which was a blessing...she bugs).  Mos Def plays his business partner and James Corden plays Snaggletooth's friend.  

I love James Corden.  I really, really do.

Similar to Once, Begin Again has an ending that on paper would seem very unsatisfying, but in actuality is just perfect.  Well played, John Carney, well played.

(My drink pairing for this film is a nice chardonnay - all bright notes and citrusy.  Nothing is shocking here but it's completely enjoyable.)

My takeaways:

#1 -  I think if I had never had my last relationship experience I would have liked Begin Again A LOT more.

#2 - I stand corrected about Blake Shelton's movie credits.  He was a voice in the new animated feature, Angry Birds and he's apparently in an Adam Sandler movie.  No matter.  I'm not gonna revue it.

#3 - I think Pharrell has the most beautiful face.  

xoxo...hashtagSueslife