Celebrating Dogan H Erokan

This is off my normal posting "rhythm", but today would have been my dad's 100th birthday and I wanted to honor him. I don't write a lot about my dad here - largely because he wasn't a big movie fan. But he was a character and an influence and he is always with me, even though he's been gone for over half my life.

Some things about my father:

• He was all sorts of secretive and internal. Honestly, he could have been a film director in Hollywood for all I knew. Okay, that's an exaggeration but here's some stuff to illustrate my dad, his work and secrets
• He worked on HIGHLY sensitive projects at Lockheed back in the day. He was originally an engineer in their Oceanography division but ended up in Missiles and Space. The irony that I work on secret stuff right now is not lost on me.
• He was also the guy who got plaques for having Zero Defects in his work. Try living up to that when you can barely grasp basic Algebra. That was tough on our relationship.
• While he was at Lockheed he was flying to LA and back daily on one of his top-secret jobs...and my family didn't know about it until it was done. MY MOM had no idea. He'd leave at his normal time in the morning and be home for dinner. Crazy, right?
• He believed in reincarnation, which may have been something prevalent in his religion, but he had one story that exemplified why he believed. He was a naturally gifted mathematician, but the thing that blew even his mind is when he took his first computer class at Harvard (ahem). He just GOT it. He just knew what the professor was talking about (this was in the early 40s...big wall sized computers). He understood it to the point that they moved him to the next level class (at HARVARD) so he could actually learn something. That shit is nuts.
• He had an exceedingly crusty exterior but I know deep down he loved his family. (He went up against my mother when I was 12 and wanted a kitten. He was surprisingly on my side. We won, and that was no easy feat! That's love for you.) He just had a hard time showing it. My theories on why:
• Maybe this was because he was raised by a single mother who had lost both her husbands (my dad was only 2 when his father was killed in the Battle of Gallipoli). She probably had a lot to manage.
• Maybe it's a Turkish thing - apparently my grandmother told my mom that you only kiss your children when they are sleeping; you don't show affection.
• Or maybe it was because he was a true introvert.
• He was a different guy when he was young.
• My aunt tells me this crazy story about how she was visiting once and wanted to go gambling so he drove her to Reno for one night. They stayed up all night gambling and came home the next day.
• When he was dating my mom (he was attending either Harvard or MIT, cuz he went to both!) he was the life of her family parties, often drinking everyone under the table.  
• My mom's family adored my dad, despite the Greek/Turkish thing!
• He hated being sick - I think for him it was the ultimate insult. He was very active and took good care of himself; he ate well and exercised regularly. His body let him down. He also hated being a burden on his family. He apologized to me once, close to the end. For being sick. That's something that stays with you.

Some things about my dad and me:

• He loved having a daughter (being the old Turkish man he was, he called me "Daughter" all the time.  Or maybe he just forgot my name. Kidding.) but I think that after I grew out of being a malleable little kid, he had no idea what to do with me. I can guarantee he didn't bank on living with an opinionated, outgoing female who didn't want to do things the way he wanted (I'm not sure why, since that is what he married. Maybe he was hoping his offspring wouldn't be as contrary as his wife?). I got lectured on things ALL THE TIME. I know he had had enough rebellion from my crazy musician brothers and I also assume he had very strict ideas of how girls should behave. Sadly, that's not what he got.
• He and I had a rough go of it for the majority of my teenage years through my early 20s. I'm sure he was continually flummoxed and I was just irritated. Not a great mix, but pretty typical. The unfortunate thing was I didn't have much time with him after I grew up and pulled my head out of my ass to really understand him. 

We made our amends, my dad and I. Granted it was at the last minute, but still. And what I have come to realize and accept is I am my father's daughter in many ways, inside and out.

• I have his face. (Although I've never mastered the raised brow like he did. His was epic and terrifying to my high school friends.)
• I have his fucked up, glaucoma eyes.
• I have a bit of his OCD Virgo behavior. (Any one who doesn't believe me should ask Beth about our headdresses when we belly danced.)

And a few of the things he taught me have stayed with me.

• Don't walk over street grates wearing high heels.
• Star Trek: The Next Generation is awesome. He was watching it before me!
• Music is important.

So in his honor today, I'm going to add an email I sent to my book club when I wasn't working (these emails were the beginnings of my blog). A really odd thing about my father, who was a math genius and had multiple degrees, was that he loved some seriously bad TV. This was one of his favorites.

(Originally sent March '15)

I was overjoyed this morning to find that Fantasy Island has shown up in my daytime TV rotation! Exciting. I LOVED this show when I was younger. Naturally I am watching it and this is what I'm finding (like a mini Sue's Revues):

• Ricardo Montalban is a fine looking older man
• He is also a ridiculous over-actor.  
• 80's lipstick style is really not good...bad colors and everyone looks like they have misshaped lips (or maybe these actresses just do have misshaped lips!)
• Tattoo is fucking awesome!!
• Tattoo is also a ridiculous over-actor.
• Mr. Rourke is heavy handed when he's trying to "teach someone a lesson".  And by the way...if it's my fantasy, WHY are you teaching ME a lesson??  
• I'd want my money back if I were a patron of Fantasy Island.  Fuck you and your lessons.

As I'm learning with my foray into movies and TV of my youth:  Some things are better left in the past.

Happy birthday, Dad. We miss you. We should all raise a glass of port in his honor. And if you are so inclined, smoke a pipe.

xoxo...hashtagSueslife